Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
