So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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