There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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