Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
