my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize