I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
