You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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