Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
