just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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