I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
