it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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