i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
