I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
