Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
