Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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