Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
