i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
