You made me cry and you don't even care
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
third nipple confirmed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
