plz talk dirty to me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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