sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
