I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
whose parrot is this?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
