Buhtt sex?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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