I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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