Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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