Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
