Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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