the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
