Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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