Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
