Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
