Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
