Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
