You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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