Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize