Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
