why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
