you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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