cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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