I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
