no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
