I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
