But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
