Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
