she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
