u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
