His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
