Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
