oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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