there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
