I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
