well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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