It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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