his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
