just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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