he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
