I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
