She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
