i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize