Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
