Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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