Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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