Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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