There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
