I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
