And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
