There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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