You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
