Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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