If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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