He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
