I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
