The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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